Insomnia
by LireCasander
Summary: Harry can't sleep tonight he's going to have some company and a talk.
1. Insomnia

Harry Potter could not sleep. Whenever he closed his eyes, disturbing images entered his mind and prevented him from falling asleep. Hermione had tried everything, from potions to sleep to muggle remedies against insomnia. Nothing had been successful. Harry was beginning to feel hopeless.

That night was one of those horrible nights in which insomnia harassed him even before going to bed. As a consequence, he was sitting in the kitchen at Grimmauld Place, at three thirty in the morning with a cup of hot chocolate in hand, gazing off into space.

He didn't want to close his eyes. The nightmares harassed him since the night he defeated Voldemort, alone in Godric's Hollow, when the murderer had used Ron as his shield, forcing Harry to aim with caution so as not to hit his best friend. Voldemort's magic was still more powerful than his own, but the love he felt for Ron had prevented him from losing the most important battle in the whole war.

Nevertheless, the memory of Ron's body being shaken by the dark wizard kept haunting him years later, even though his friend had recovered, even though time passed by and everyone tried to forget it.

Harry couldn't.

He didn't hear noise at his back, nor a cozy, nosy little cough. He was too engrossed to pay attention to a wave of almost white blond hair behind him.

"Can't you sleep?" a voice at his back asked, startling him.

He turned suddenly, leaving the mug on the table, to face Draco Malfoy.

They weren't friends, but they were no longer enemies. Malfoy had remained in Grimmauld Place, like all those members of the Order that didn't have a place to go. The Slytherin's case had been complicated from the beginning; the Death Eaters didn't trust him because he hadn't been able to kill Dumbledore, neither did the Order because he had tried to murder the Headmaster three times. With Snape hiding him, things hadn't been simple for Malfoy. The professor had died trying to take him to Order headquarters, and Harry had had to welcome in Malfoy in his house. When his parents disowned him for his treason, Malfoy had been all alone.

After that, things got mixed up and Draco Malfoy happened to become, along with Lupin and Tonks, Harry Potter's new roommate.

"It's obvious I can't, Malfoy," Harry said in a cold tone.

"Could have fooled me, _Potter_," Malfoy turned around to leave.

Harry was panic-striken when he saw Draco leaving, or at least trying to leave. His knuckles were white around the mug, and he exhaled a breath of terrified air.

Malfoy stopped mid- movement and turned towards Harry.

"Can you..." Harry blinked to hold the tears he didn't want to give free-hand. "Can you please stay with me for a while? "

The Slytherin sat, making almost no noise, next to Harry and watched him, worried. It was weird to see that look on his face, as if worrying wasn't an emotion Draco was made to feel. Harry watched his cup again, giving it all his attention.

It was the first time he had company during his long nights. He didn't know what had forced him to ask, almost beg, his former enemy to remain at his side in one of the lowest moments in his life.

The worse thing about insomnia wasn't not being able to sleep, but the physical reaction. Nightmares haunted him in the darkness even though he was wide-awake, and fear constricted his throat. He didn't dare ignite any light because he would see shades that didn't exist, shades of the people he had killed with his own wand. He shook and cried until exhaustion, but not even then was he able to sleep; memories kept harassing him.

"I would like to know what happens to you, Potter," Malfoy began. "You don't sleep well and that affects your work. Scrimgeour has already asked me three times why you are so pale and haggard - as if I knew!"

"Tell him I don't want to tell you, and that you don't have the slightest idea. He will stop disturbing you, trust me."

"The problem is, I want to know too."

"Why?"

"If I said I worry about you, you wouldn't believe me, would you?" Malfoy cocked an eyebrow, as if challenging Harry to contradict him. "So I will let you think I'm looking for another reason to pick on you and laugh at you."

"That reasoning is going to convince me," Harry said sarcastically, shaking his head, refusing to look him in the eye.

"Very well. As you wish," Malfoy stood up again, but this time Harry's hand on his right arm prevented him from moving away.

"Wait," there was desperation in the hero's voice. "Wait, don't go away... I don't want to be alone tonight."

Malfoy didn't sit, but he did not leave either. He remained there, standing, observing the Boy Who Lived as if he was seeing him for the first time.

Harry took in air and expelled it slowly, trying in vain to relax. The first wave of nausea was arriving as a result of unsuccessfully trying to keep the memories at bay. He didn't want Malfoy to see him in those circumstances, but he needed to believe he wouldn't be alone for the night.

"At night," he began, "at night I can't sleep. I don't even try it. I close my eyes and I see him, with Ron as his shield, trying to kill me. I see the Death Eaters I killed, each piece of my soul that was broken off when I used _Avada Kedavra_. I see everything we fought for, and I make myself sick."

"You saved both worlds, Harry. You are a hero. You should be proud."

"Proud of having killed?" Harry watched him incredulously. "How can I be proud of having killed somebody? I don't understand it."

"You don't have to give it so much thought." Malfoy sat to his side. "Killing is a bad thing, one of those things that nobody should have to do. But you saved us."

"And that makes me a better person, Draco?" He had called him by his name, there was no way back, he needed to talk to someone. "Voldemort is a murderer but I'm a hero. I don't see the difference; it's only killing for me."

"He used his power to hurt, you only tried to do us some good."

"Using the same technique. The same curse. The end doesn't justify the means, Draco. I'm not a Slytherin."

Malfoy watched him strangely, but he didn't make any comment. Harry wondered what his old school enemy was thinking. During the war, Malfoy had been a double agent, working for the Order and Voldemort, until he decided not to betray Harry's side. He had killed in the name of the darkness and in the name of the light, and he didn't show any signs of repentance. Harry wondered if Malfoy also had nightmares.

"You are not the only one," Malfoy said out of the blue. "I wasn't a Slytherin for starters, but the Hat made its choice. After that, each and every decision was completely my own."

Draco touched his left forearm, taking hold of it around a blurred tattoo that hadn't been awake for several years. He watched his hands, powerless.

"You are not your father," Harry whispered, extending his own hand and caressing Malfoy's arm.

"And you are not like Voldemort."

Draco put his hand on Harry's. The contact made them both shiver, but Malfoy disguised it better.

When Harry watched those silver eyes he thought he could read pain and repentance, and a feeling he could not identify fighting to break through. Draco closed his eyes, and a sigh later a tear slipped down his cheek.

Harry didn't know what had compelled him to dry that tear with affection, a simple caress on Draco's cheek. The blond Slytherin opened his eyes, and Harry recognized that unidentified feeling growing inside of him when Malfoy's hand settled on his again.

"When I close my eyes, I see him," Draco whispered with broken voice. "I see him throwing you curse after curse, endlessly... That last day, Harry... I only see him attacking you..."

"Shhh," Harry hushed him, caressing the back of his hand. "I'm fine, I'm here. As broken as you, but here. I'm not going anywhere."

Draco approached the chair, and Harry felt a chill when noticing the extreme paleness of Malfoy. Both were destroyed by a war that had ended everything they knew.

Even themselves.

"Don't leave me alone tonight," Draco begged in a low voice. "Please, don't leave me."

Harry his arms around his roommate's shoulders, and felt a big warm wave of something unrecognizable embracing his heart when Draco rested his head on Harry's chest.

Perhaps if he didn't spend the night alone, if somebody were by his side to frighten away all his ghosts, then maybe he could sleep one whole night.

Hugging Draco, hearing two hearts beating as one, he knew he would not see Voldemort in his dreams again.

Ever again.


	2. Fears

**Fears**

The dawn surprised them still in the kitchen. Lupin leaned in the doorframe, not daring to step in and wake them up. It was the first time he saw the two of them sleeping. HE observed them for a good while.

Harry had his head on Draco's, and his chest raised and lowered at the rate of his even breathing. Draco had his face crushed against that chest in movement, and their fingers were interlaced.

Lupin smiled inwardly. It was a matter of time that both realized what was obvious for the rest of the world. The lat five years Grimmauld Place had witnessed the meetings and mix-ups of Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy, in their attempt to get to know themselves and put up with each other. Lupin knew that they couldn't get along ever if they continued hiding secrets that hurt them that much. Nobody knew what Harry saw in dreams, nobody knew why Draco was more and more haggard. But everyone was conscious that those unsaid things were the cause of their grief.

Lupin coughed slightly to wake them up finally. Although they had managed to sleep, even for only one night, they had to get up and be prepared to travel to Hogwarts. It was going to be a very long day.

Harry was the first in opening his eyes, unfocused and still dozed. He had a strange weight on his chest, and when he lowered his head he discovered that it was Draco. He smiled sweetly, remembering the previous night. Harry shook the shoulder of the Slytherin, that had taken Harry's chest as his own pillow, and Draco woke up.

"Harry, Draco," said Lupin in a smooth voice. "I'm sorry for waking you, but there's an emergency in Hogwarts and Hermione can't take charge of it."

"Hermione Granger can't take charge of something?" Draco repeated, incredulous. "That's new."

"Ron ahs owled a while ago. Hermione has undergone a nervous attack, and the school is a bit out of control. Scrimgeour has approved the mission about half an hour ago. The case is yours."

"What case? What happens in Hogwarts?" inquired a worried Harry.

"I don't know," responded Lupin, shaking his head. "They haven't giiven me any explanation, only that they wanted _you_ to be there as soon as possible. The sooner the better, in fact."

Harry rose abruptly, striking Malfoy's arm, that still rested on him, against the table. He whispered a hurried "Sorry" and went to his room to change. Draco imitated him shortly after; less than twenty minutes later they were ready to Apparate in front of the iron entrance of Hogwarts.

A thick fog covered everything, preventing them from seeing properly. The unrequited blindness joined the nervousness Harry felt. It was the first time in years he was going to work with someone, his last mate had died in the battle. Neville had been a good friend until the end.

He pushed the cold metal and he entered in the school's lands followed by Draco, who walked a couple of steps behind him. Both had the feeling of being observed – that was not nice.

They passed by Hagrid's cabin, dark in spite of the daylight. The windows had the shutters closed as expression of grief for the death of the half-giant that last day of war, when everyone lost everything. Harry bent his head when surrounding it, gained by the pain and the repentance; a warm hand settled on his shoulder. He didn't have to turn to know that Draco felt his pain.

"The fog is dissipating," said Draco with a higher-than-normal voice. Harry knew that he was on the brink of tears. He nodded, too busy keeping his own emotiosn at bay. After losing Dumbledore, Hagrid's death had been the one that had affected him the most.

The fog retired absolutely when they arrived at the school. They could see Gryffindor tower half demolished, shining against the sky more or less clear. The east wing of the castle presented a sad aspect, the stones outstanding from the walls. Everything was just like five years before, when Voldemort tried to destroy the castle before cornering Harry in Godric's Hollow.

Everything was a symbol of how destroyed they had been. Of how broken they still were.

Draco's hand was still on his shoulder when Ron opened the door.

"Thank Merlin you're here!" the red-haired man exclaimed. "Hermione has spent the night in the hospital wing, Ginny didn't want her to come back to our room."

"What's happening Ron?" Harry asked as a greeting. "Lupin said that you needed us both, but you didn't say what for."

"Come in."

They followed him through narrow corridors until arriving at the third floor bathroom. Memories they didn't want to come back haunted them. Images of a washbasin exploding, blood, too much blood, an unknown spell and scars on a very white skin.

"What the hell is inside?" Harry asked. "Why have you requested our presence?"

"Because it's something that concerns you both. Hermione has not been able to fix this, and I don't seem to get to it. We need this bathroom. And we need it _now_."

They had arrived at the door of the bathroom almost without realizing. Draco's handwas still on Harry's shoulder, but the pressure had diminished. When the weight disappeared, Harry felt an emptiness inside, that unrecognizable feeling arising to fill it.

Ron pushed the wood and the enclosure was in the open. It was just like the last time they had seen it, except for a heavy fabric that hid a part of the washbasins. In a dumb gesture he urged them to retire it, and walked back towards the door. He didn't want to be there when _it_ awoke.

Harry watched Draco. Draco watched Harry. Both stretched a hand and pulled at the same time the fabric with force. The washbasin that lead to the Secret Chamber was in the open, and the mirror seemed to summon up life. It reflected the room for a second before changing the scene for a shady place where red and green rays flew freely. Harry turned towards Ron to ask him, but his friend was nowhere to be seen. Therefore, he directed an inquisitive look to Draco.

"What do you think it is?"

"It seems a mirror charmed to show something different from which it would have," Draco said. "In theory it would have to be easy to undo the charm."

"I believe that the problem resides on what it shows," indicated Harry. "It must be more complicated than it seems, because otherwise Hermione would've fixed it."

"Well. Let's see it."

They approached more and saw the battlefield the last day of war, Godric's Hollow full of Death Eaters that attacked the Order then commanded by Harry. The sky was darkened by clouds that threatened storm and the smoke that emerged from the hollows where there had been trees before a curse reached them.

"Do you see what I see?" he asked Draco, getsuring to the mirror like hypnotized.

"It's the final battle. But I don't see why Hermione---"

Then a flash of light in the mirror called his attention. What he saw terrified him. He understood the reason why Hermione had not been able to disillusion the mirror.

That device was absolutely evil.

He was able to peel his eyes off the mirror to put them on Draco, who watched it paller than he usually was. He was wathcing the mirro completely transfixed, his grey never leaving it. Suddenly he separated from the crystal and looked at Harry.

"You're alive," he whispered.

"of course I'm alive," Harry responded in the same voice. "What happens, Draco?"

"The mirror---"

Harry returned to watch against his will. In the mirror, Godric's Hollow was a swarm of spells. Nevertheless, he only saw a blond shag that tried to escape from a green beam. Lucius Malfoy was pursuing him, and suddenly an _Avada Kedavra_ reached a fleeing Draco. The young Malfoy fell struck on the ground, and Harry wanted to shout.

He realized a while later that he was was indeed screaming.

"Harry, Harry, calm down," Draco tighetened his grip on Harry's arm. "It's only an image."

"What do you see, Draco?"

For a moment, the former Slytherin closed his eyes. He thought he had understood the mechanism of that mirror, something of the style of the Mirror of Erised. He shook his head; he didn't want to say it aloud. But the inquisitive glance of those green eyes forced him to say something.

"I see the final battle," he began. "It--- he--- has you cornered, like then, but--- he throws you an--- an---" he couldn't pronounce it. "And you died there--- alone, without aid, I wasn't close enough--- I know that it's nothing more than a stupid dream, a nightmare that I'd better forget---"

Harry watched the frame of the mirror, tryting carefully not to watch the reflection directly. _Mirror of Sraef_.

"This mirror shows your more intimate fears," said a voice at their back, frightening them. "Only two people whose fears are the heads and tails of the same tossed coin will be able to undo the spell."

When turning, both saw Ginny standing up in the door, avoiding all visual contact with the mirror. "Ron and Hermione have the same fears, and Hermione doesn't know how to face them. She never knew. My apprehensions—well, let's say that they don't have anything to compare to. In the end we thought about you, opposites after all."

Draco didn't say a word, agape. Harry recalled to mind about Ginny's words. Wht if it were true that his fears contrasted with Draco's? How could he know for sure?

His fear became a physical pain. A so great pain that he could hardly stand it. He wondered whether that was what Hermione felt whenever she faced the mirror. The impotence of not being able to do a thing.

In his case, Lucius Malfoy was still alive, so that scene could still take place. But who wants to kill their own son?

"I see you dying too," he said aloud. "In Godric's Hollow. I see you die--- and I don't want you to---"

Draco embraced him forcefully, not loosening him. He was alive, he was still sane, thanks to Harry. He couldn't stand the vision of his savior suffering like that. When the first tears slipped down Harry's cheeks, Draco wanted them to disappear.

He brushed with his smooth knuckles Harry's cheeks,getting to smear the tears more than drying them, that unrecognizable feeling arising in him and urging him to approach even more. They had lived years of desperation and sadness, of too many hidden secrets struggling to be known.

He had welcomed in Harry in his arms, and he had him so close that he could feel the beats of Harry's heart. A stolen glance out of the corner of his eyes to the mirror confirmed his fears once again, but the weight of that body between his arms was much more real that the spells of a memory that never existed.

They looked each other in the eyes, before Draco identified his feelings. He could see recognition in Harry's, and that gave him the courage to go ahead.

He leaned smoothly and put his lips on Harry's. It was a fleeting contact before their lips were fused in a deeper kiss. Neither of them heard how the Mirror of Sraef broke in a thousand pieces, destroying their biggest fears with it.

Because that was not a dream to wake up from, nor a nightmare not to believe in.

They were broken, they were destroyed.

And nevertheless they were complete.


End file.
